when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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