I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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