And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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