Please, let me fuck your mom
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
