His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
