that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
