i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
