My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
