So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
