So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
