That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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