That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
