so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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