my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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