Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
