Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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