By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
