He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
