I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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