tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
