pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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