i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
