the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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