Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
