people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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