Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
