You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
