I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
