hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You made out with two different species that night
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
