That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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