I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
