yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
