Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
