she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
