It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
