I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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