I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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