I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
