You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
