so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
