I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
