she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
