I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
