i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
