I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
