i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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