I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
