whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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