I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we made out on top of his cat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
