I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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