yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
