She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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