the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my poor anus
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
