I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
