My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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