i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
