i don't like sucking hair
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
