dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
