I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
