just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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