I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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